I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I touched a dick in church today
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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