she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize