we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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