hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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