i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
