franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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