i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
