I wish I could punch you in the face.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
