Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
