Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
