Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize
