4 words: hood of his car
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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