hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize