i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
