I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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