Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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