dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
