You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
