why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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