he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
