I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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