U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
