Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
