On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
