you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
