he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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