normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
should my penis look like a turkey
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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