He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
