In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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