Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
