If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
