i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
