captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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