Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
