as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
