Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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