I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
