A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
