he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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