I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
