In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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