Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
