help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My cat gives me a boner
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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