Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
