guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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