dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
