We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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