i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
