Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
