I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
