So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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