so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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