i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
