And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
