Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize