i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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