Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
