i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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