Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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