I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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