I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
