Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
