Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
