Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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