So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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