Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's always time for handjobs
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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